Oops I Did it Again!

I have been premenstrual these past few days, and although this blog is not going to be about my period and cramps and tampons and whatever else you don't want to hear about, it is going to be about my brain and PMS...well kinda. My point, is consider yourself warned. If you don't want to hear about it, stop reading.

In my weight loss journey (again I hate that expression - I am open to suggestions - Jacquie, that means you :P) I have noticed that I work on a cycle, I lose big one week, and then I hover at the same number, and then I go down, then I go up, and then it starts over. As you may have guessed this cycle matches my menstrual cycle. Surprisingly it has taken me a VERY long time to figure this out. It doesn't match exactly as one may think, the week I go up is the week before my period. That dreaded week before. I don't think that I change too much, I don't get super bitchy or overly emotional (although that may be because I am ALWAYS overly emotional), but in that stereotypical "watch out she's PMSing" way, I am pretty level.

Except for eating.

I lose my friggin' head! I want junk, and I want it now. And for the most part I do treat myself, if I want a donut, I get donut during this time...because I have the will power of a stick of gum (hmmm maybe that's unfair to a stick of gum). Anyway, as I was saying I will let myself have something and usually too often, but I don't go hog wild as I have in the past. Except this week. I have lost my mind to food. Louise, my boss's wife who is always commending my willpower and then bringing me treats while apologizing for it at the same time, brought me a box of her homemade fudge on Monday. A part of my brain said once she leaves, throw it out. Toss it. Anything to not eat it. But the other side of my brain won. And I ate not one but probably close to a dozen pieces of fudge that day. I gross myself out. And we're not even going to talk about peanut butter. But this is what I am talking about. I need to learn to control my brain during that week. It's not even a full week really, it's a few measly days. Working on self control and listening to the universe.

The universe is trying to help me. I swear it's true. On Tuesday I decided that I wanted a donut. I wanted the candy cane donut at Tim Horton's. In fact, I wanted two. So I ordered one. I drive back to the office sit down at my desk, open up coffee and then open the bag to try that minty chocolaty deliciousness and (*insert sound of a record scratching to a halt*) inside the bag was a honey cruller. Boo urns. So what did I do. I ate it. I ATE IT! Why? That's when I should listen. Throw it out. It's not what you wanted. Wait and go and get what you wanted. But no I ate it. That's not the first time that has happened to me at Tim Horton's. It happened last time they had a specialty donut that I wanted to try. I think that's the universe telling me, don't eat it. You don't need it. But I don't listen. Yesterday I went and got gas, when I went into the station to pay I picked up one of those 100 calorie Cadbury bars (at least my bad choices are getting better), so the guy rings through my purchase on my MasterCard and I am about to leave and he realizes that he hadn't scanned the chocolate bar. That would have been the perfect opportunity to say, "it's OK, I didn't need it anyway". Do I do that? Nope, I dig at the bottom of my purse to scrounge the change together to buy it. I could go on about me not listening to the universe, or whatever it is, but I won't. Just know that I am working on it.

I am going to listen.

I am listening.

Oh! And I am still going to treat myself just not daily.